Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
Funny Thanksgiving quotes are a collection of oneliners by people about eating food and coping with family during Thanksgiving Day. These quotes will blow your mind as many just can’t seem to have a good time together as a family, hopefully, it’s all a big joke. Please be sure to read funny family quotes, maybe that will encourage families to get along more. Below you can read funny thanksgiving quotes to read.
Quote #1
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”
Andy Borowitz
Quote #2
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”
Melanie White
Quote #3
“May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!”
Unknown
Quote #4
“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘Man, just be yourself.'”
Mitch Hedberg
Quote #5
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.”
John Lyon
Quote #6
“We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.”
Unknown
Quote #7
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”
Friends
Quote #8
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.”
Lindsey Bareham
Quote #9
“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.”
Lorelai Gilmore
Quote #10
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.”
Ina Garten
Quote #11
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.”
Mike Connolly
Quote #12
“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.”
Tom Swyers
Quote #13
“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”
Kin Hubbard
Quote #14
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”
Robert Brault
Quote #15
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”
Irv Kupcinet
Quote #16
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”
Damien Fahey
Quote #17
“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.”
Michael Dresser
Quote #18
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”
Charlie Brown
Quote #19
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”
Craig Ferguson
Quote #20
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #21
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”
Jim Davis
Quote #22
“Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.”
Nicole Hollander
Quote #23
“Thanksgiving Day, man—not a good day to be my pants.”
Kevin James
Quote #24
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”
Damien Fahey
Quote #25
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #26
“Pie makes everybody happy.”
Laurie Halse Anderson
Quote #27
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.”
Unknown
Quote #28
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”
Johnny Carson
Quote #29
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”
Jay Leno
Quote #30
“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.”
Melanie White
Quote #31
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”
Oscar Wilde
Quotes #32
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food.”
Howie Mandel
Quote #33
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
Erma Bombeck
Quote #34
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.”
Unknown
Quote #35
“There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it’s just not being a turkey.”
Unknown
Funny Thanksgiving Oneliners
Funny thanksgiving oneliners are some short hilarious statements by various individuals that will knock your socks off, not literally. These jokes are really funny and some of you can probably relate when it comes to your own family on Thanksgiving Day. You can also read faith quotes about family, maybe these will encourage better family relations.
Funny Thanksgiving Wishes
Funny thanksgiving wishes, I think many can relate to this. I am sure many wish that their time during thanksgiving was much better than many say it is. If you read the funny thanksgiving quotes above, I am sure you would see what I am talking about, a better Thanksgiving Day to all, this time around. Be sure to read funny cooking quotes, I know that day food is plentiful so maybe that would help the cook.
